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Change, I want to but it goes wrong.. | Tip Top Wellbeing

Three simple things to think about

We are not always fully aware of our unconscious resistance to change, it is so deeply rooted, so well learned that it has stored itself away until it can create most damage. For me it is bit like cleaning the car, I know I have to do it (its filthy) but when I start, I know I can’t stop as it will look worse for a while, so I avoid it altogether and hope no-one notices. The problem is I end up with a car I am unhappy with!
Any kind of change is like this, we talk about it , we think about it, we might even employ someone to help us, we make statements of intent and as far as anyone else can see, we mean it We are serious about the change.
So why then does it not work? Here are some things to think about.

 

Change is always accompanied by problems and discomfort

 

Whatever change you have in mind, something will be different, your landscape will not look the same, others around you may not like what you want to change, they may not support you, and in fact they may actively try and sabotage your efforts. Not out of any sense of cruelty or spite, but because you changing will affect them.

You don’t really want to change.

You think you want to change, but do you? Are you just responding to the media’s perception of how you should be? Your parents, sibling partner, boss or friend may be telling you constantly that they want something. But is it really what you want?

So how do I counter this?

By sitting down and thinking about whose goals they are. Are they yours or someone else’s? Is it an important goal for you? Why do you need to change? Brainstorm, plan and execute when you are sure it is yours.

You’ve tried before and failed

From school we have learned about failure, our own. As a toddler it never occurred to us that we would fail, if we fell, we got up no problem, then people started to test us and we learnt how it was to fail and we didn’t like the feelings. So we carry fear of failure. We listen to others when they laugh. We listen to their judgements.

So how do I counter this?

Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen, write it down. Have you felt this before? Yes? Did you survive it? I bet you did and most people didn’t even know. Remember as hard as this may sound, you are not the centre of most people’s world and they don’t really care. The change is only important to you.

Your rituals are holding you back

Every day you do things that create a sense of belonging, safety and love. Some of these things are positive (great) and some negative(not so great). The negative rituals keep you where you are. They may not be good for you, but you feel that they keep you safe, you understand them, and you think you need them, what would you do if you didn’t do them? That can be very scary.

So how do I counter this?

You need to do a bit of work, write down everything you do in a week and the time slot, what actions are repeated that are positive, what actions are negative, how do you feel about them? Do you want to change any of those rituals? Write down the ones that are important.

Three things to think about the next time you want to change something, remember to plan a change, understand a change and then move forward.

Use this booklet below if you want to start making changes.

     Tip Top Planning and Goal Setting   file-page1

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